“Well, I'm never going to win if you don't give me a start!” - Ken Evans "I wonder if he would lend me his hard shell for the next few months." - Penny Stopp “Well I got around in 3 hours, but my partner is still on the first hole.” - Richard Summer "Here we have a typical slow-moving land reptile enclosed in a scaly or leathery skin with thick short legs - the other is a tortoise" - Andy Martin "I have never seen one quite so old or smelly" said Fraser the tortoise to his best mate Wayward. - Andy Martin “I think I need a new partner for Captain/Pro.” - Dave Williams “I’m bringing him back to the Common. He’s just great at finding golf balls - but slowly.” - John Knock “Wow, this guy moves faster than the Sunday Car Park members.” - Steve Hallem “Sampling the local cuisine!” - Phil Heath “It’s a fact you always see the Tortoise in pairs, but in this case our captain has its mate hidden under his shirt.” - Dave Hall “Slow old dinosaur - said the tortoise. “ - Laurence Weir Tortoise, "What ball you playing mate?" - Simon Tomlinson “Laurence at the steak and kidney pie farm.” - Barry Webb “I see Lawrence has come out of his shell.” - Jim Fleet “I suspected Laurence might be pregnant and many congratulations on the new arrival.” - Hugh Jenkinson “Looks like Laurence is filming a sequel to One Foot in the Grave called ‘Two feet in the grave’.” - John Richardson
“Do I have to have the salad with it?” - Richard Willett “Early in his round the Captain is reminded about slow play! As a result a buggy path is planned to help the aged protected creature!” - Keith Howard “I’ll give you a three yard start.” - Richard Howland “At last the Captain has found a partner he can keep up with.” - Peter Rushbrook “Pleased to have drawn the slowest player in the swindle!” - Willie Watson “Finally the Captain returns from his quest to find the perfect mascot for his 2018 campaign against slow play at the club, everybody say hello to Flash the tortoise!” - Olly Cleevely
| 
